Young people who say caregivers are distracted by devices feel less secure in their relationships

Aim for dedicated times when you and your family aren’t using devices, so your child doesn't feel as if they are competing with a phone for your attention. zeljkosantrac/iStockphoto/Getty Images via CNN Newsource

Like many parents, I often worry about how much time my teen spends on screens.

But I also hear lots of feedback at home about the amount of time I spend on screens. Not for CNN of course, but on all the cute dog, World Cup and Stanley Cup videos.

Now my kid can quote new research about the effects of caregiver screen use on children to back up those complaints.

Adolescents who perceive their caregivers as frequently distracted by phones and other devices feel less confident relying on these trusted adults for support and connection, according to a new study in the journal Frontiers in Psychology. The young people also were more likely to report feeling less secure in their relationships.

I spoke with CNN wellness expert Dr. Leana Wen to learn more about what the study found, especially if it means parents’ phone use is harming their children. I also wanted to learn some practical steps families can take to stay connected to one another in an increasingly digital world.

Wen is an emergency physician and clinical associate professor at George Washington University. She previously served as Baltimore’s health commissioner and is the mother of two young children.

CNN: What did this new study find about parent or caregiver phone use and how it affected relationships with their kids?

Dr. Leana Wen: This study surveyed 600 adolescents ages 12 to 17 across the United States. The researchers wanted to examine whether young people who perceived their caregivers as frequently distracted by digital devices were more likely to report what’s called insecure attachment styles.

To explore this premise, the investigators asked participants about their primary caregivers, including a motherlike caregiver and a fatherlike one when applicable. These people could include biological parents, stepparents, adoptive parents or other adults serving in those roles. Questions focused on situations such as whether a parent seemed more attentive to their phone than to the in-person family conversation; whether device use interrupted family interactions or whether the adolescent felt they were competing with a device for attention.

The researchers then assessed attachment styles. Attachment refers to the emotional bond between a child and caregiver and the extent to which a young person feels secure and able to rely on that relationship. The team found that teens who reported more device-related interference from caregivers also were more likely to report insecure attachment patterns, particularly greater anxiety about relationships and a tendency to withdraw emotionally. The association was seen regardless of whether teens were reporting on a mother figure or father figure, and was seen across ages, gender, race and ethnicity.

CNN: What is attachment, and why does it matter for teenagers?

Wen: Attachment is a concept from developmental psychology that describes how secure people feel in their relationships with those important people in their lives, especially caregivers. A securely attached child generally believes that a caregiver is responsive and supportive. It doesn’t mean that the adult spends a large amount of time with the child or will always interrupt everything, but rather that the child trusts that the adult will be there when needed.

By contrast, insecure attachment can take different forms. Someone with anxious attachment may worry about rejection, seek excessive reassurance or feel uncertain about the stability of relationships. Someone with avoidant attachment may become emotionally distant or reluctant to depend on others.

Attachment is often discussed in the context of infancy and early childhood, but it remains crucial during adolescence. Teenagers may seek to be more independent, but they still need trusted adults who provide emotional support and stability. Prior research has linked secure attachment throughout childhood and adolescence to better mental health, healthier relationships and greater emotional resilience.

CNN: Is a teenager’s sense of security linked with how much the parent uses their phone?

Wen: A key distinction is this study did not measure the parent’s use of technology or quantify screen time. The researchers looked at the adolescent’s subjective perception that a device was interfering with the relationship. This distinction is important because it’s not the objective measure of number of hours engaging with technology but rather the perceived measure of the child feeling ignored or deprioritized.

Imagine a teenager trying to talk about a difficult day at school while a parent repeatedly checks emails or scrolls through social media. Consider family meals in which conversations are constantly interrupted by notifications. Think about a teen trying to engage in a meaningful conversation but unable to maintain their parent’s eye contact because the parent is distracted answering texts. Those moments may seem minor in isolation, but they can accumulate over time.

CNN: Does this study prove that parents’ phones are causing emotional problems in their children?

Wen: No. The authors acknowledge that there are key limitations in the study. To begin, the research found an association, but it cannot establish cause and effect. It is possible that device-related distraction contributes to less secure attachment. It is also possible that families who are already experiencing communication difficulties may perceive more device interference.

There could be other factors involved as well. For example, parents under high levels of stress may be more likely to spend time on devices and also may have less emotional bandwidth available for family interactions. Also, adolescents with insecure attachment patterns who are experiencing some mental health difficulties may be more sensitive to what they perceive as parental unavailability.

That said, the findings are consistent with a broader body of research suggesting that responsive, attentive interactions are important for healthy child development. The study raises reasonable questions that deserve further investigation. After all, many of today’s parents are the first generation raising children while carrying a smartphone with them virtually all the time. We are still learning how this unprecedented level of digital connectivity may affect family relationships.

CNN: Many parents are balancing work, family responsibilities and constant digital demands. Should they feel guilty about checking their phones?

Wen: No. Absolutely not.

I worry that parents are already subjected to increasingly unrealistic expectations. Most adults today have to use digital devices for work. Plus, they carry them to schedule playdates and sports events, to communicate with friends and relatives, to manage finances, to coordinate transportation, and countless other aspects of daily life.

It is not realistic to eliminate phone use, and really not a good idea to put even more guilt on parents who are already trying their best to balance home and work life.

Parents need to know that their kids don’t need them to be available every second of every day. What they need are periods of connection when they feel that they have their caregiver’s full attention.

CNN: What are some practical strategies families can use to create healthier boundaries around devices?

Wen: One of the simplest approaches is to establish device-free times and spaces. You can implement device-free family meals, device-free family activities such as hikes or game nights, and house rules, such as making sure not to bring devices into the bedroom at night. Creating these predictable, structured times allows family members to focus on one another without digital interruptions.

Another strategy is to communicate expectations openly. Parents can explain when they genuinely need to use devices for work or other responsibilities and when they are available. If there is a busy period during the day, let children know in advance and then follow through by setting aside time later to connect. Being intentional can help prevent children from feeling that they are constantly competing for attention.

I would also encourage parents to model the behavior they hope to see. If parents want their children to develop a healthy relationship with technology, they should demonstrate one themselves. That means using devices when we have to (not just reaching for them out of boredom) and putting away phones to focus fully on the people we are speaking to.

Do you have concerns? It’s good to be attuned to warning signs. For example, children may complain that they are not being heard. They may stop bringing up concerns; over time, they may become more withdrawn. Let your kids know that you are there for them and follow through.

In many ways, this study reinforces something we already know: Young people need to feel seen, heard and valued, especially by the most important people in their lives. Digital devices, as useful and necessary as they are, can interfere with these interactions. Families need to figure out how to live with these tools in a way that doesn’t inadvertently harm the relationships that matter most.

Katia Hetter, CNN